Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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