Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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