I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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