i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
