I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
