id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
