I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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