he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
