Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
