You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
