And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
