ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
