Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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