i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
