Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
