i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
