Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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