I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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