how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
