just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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