Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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