Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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