I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
