You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
