I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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