Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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