We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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