I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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