i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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