I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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