i permit you to call me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
