everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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