Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait