Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home