cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
