i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.