he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
