You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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