It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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