Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
