is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
