you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
