I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
