it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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