my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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