wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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