The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Mom said you looked used
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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