margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
