I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
