You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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