what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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