You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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