I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
