If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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