everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
