the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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