There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
