i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
