I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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