oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
