I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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