Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
