I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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