oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
