The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
