That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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