So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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