I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
