I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
