he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
