I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
