So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
